Why Can't We (Women) Just Take a Complement?!

While on the treadmill last week I was watching my daily dose of the Today Show and there was a brief segment about how women struggle to take a compliment.  It was interesting to me because I often struggle with taking a compliment and will deflect the attention back onto the person (looking at you teaching partner ;)) or give a reason (i.e.: "I've had this dress forever" or "it's from XYZ").

The segment was all of 3-4 minutes but in that short time the hosts were having general conversation when compliments came out and they too were challenged to accept them graciously.  Why is this? Is it because social pressures to look good, to always be at the top of your game or are we just too humble to accept praise?

I was reminded again of this segment as #TeamA was sitting at the kitchen table tonight colouring and I complimented her on her colouring and her response was "Thanks, mom!".  How can my 3 year old graciously accept the complements thrown her way, yet us gown adults (most often women) can't? I have been teaching her when someone is speaking to her and they compliment her on her hair, clothes, behaviour, whatever to turn and say thank you as an appreciation.

Where do I lack in this? Am I just too humble? Am I just too self-conscious?

Here's an article from Today.com from back in 2013 that is still relevant today.

Do you take compliments graciously and humbly?

Sunshine & happiness, today and always!

Stephanie :)

My (Nagging for 24+ hrs) Wish

Now I want to preface with that I don't usually ever wake up wishing my life away or that things would be different, but today I have had a nagging thought in my head.

Today I can't stop thinking about how I wish my children could have a summer home of sorts that we could spend all day and night lounging and relaxing at.  This and this summer home I would love for it to be on a sandy waterfront so that my kids can continue to do what they absolutely love to do: play in the sand and get wet.  I want somewhere that I am confident taking the kids alone while DH works and everyone is safe and comfortable.  I want somewhere I don't have to pack up every weekend and that we can entertain family and friends who visit.

I don't know why this thought just won't leave my head or why all of a sudden I am aching for such reality, but I am trying to figure out how I can fix it.  It is not that we cannot afford a summer home, but more that we are so busy that beyond the summer months we would be pressed to make good use of it. DH is admittedly not a handyman, so he's not into tending to landscaping and projects more than he has too.

This weekend we are going to visit a cottage/second home of a former coworker of DH, so it will either calm this nagging thought or make it even worse!  In the meantime, the kids and I have retreated to our backyard where we will continue to make amazing memories of Summer 2016.

Sunshine & happiness today and for always!

Stephanie :)

Accountability Check: Getting Back on the Bandwagon

Now that summer is here so is the dreaded bathing suit season. I am not one to usually get hung up on what I physically look like, but I do like to feel comfortable in my clothes.  Like anyone else, the winter brought on lots of hardy soups and breads plus the results of having two little ones literally just over 2 years apart.  I made a commitment to DH that I would focus on getting my body back into an appropriate shape over the summer, and he is on the bandwagon with me.

So far, both of us have been up and at 'em before our days start working out in the basement, him on his stationary bike & me on my treadmill. It is a love/hate relationship I have with my treadmill because as everyone has, there are good runs and ones that you'd much rather be somewhere else.  This time around, I have to also time my workouts to #TeamA & #TeamO's schedules so that I can actually work at working out instead of constantly being interrupted.

One of my biggest challenges is going to be the accountability to myself.  I can't start cutting corners, taking time off my run, not doing my weights etc. I find it very easy to finish my run and then sit down on the floor with the kids and start playing instead of finishing off with the weights.  I need someone more to check in on me & hold me accountable.

I am loving my time at home and can't let a day go by without working out so that it becomes second nature to jump on the treadmill before starting my day.  I have a weight goal in mind, but I also have a routine goal in mind once we head back to school in just over 8 weeks.  I want to still be able to workout before school so that I don't fall into the winter slump again.

Please keep checking in with/on me over the summer to see how the routine is going.  Don't be afraid to ask me if I got through my whole workout or if I cheated. I won't be offended!

Do you have fitness goals? If, yes, what are they? How to you keep yourself accountable and motivated?

Hello Summer Vacation!

Today was the first official day of summer vacation and if it is the one that sets the tone, I'm looking forward to the rest of the 9 weeks.

We had been away for the long weekend watching baseball and daily routine was totally mixed up. Nap time was almost non-existent and we were certainly not eating our normal diet.

I was not sure how this summer vacation would work out since it is our first with two very mobile children. Questions that kept creeping into my head included: what are we going to do all day, how am I going to entertain both at the same time with likely two different activities, what am I going to make for lunch that they will actually eat, how can I make sure that I'm able to workout each day?  Today all questions were answered! It was like a picture perfect day. I woke up just after DH left for work and waited for #TeamO to rise so that I could jump on the treadmill. In hindsight, I would have had time to workout before he woke up, but I needed to play it safe to not be interrupted. #TeamO and I headed for the basement for a long run on the treadmill to the tunes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and #TeamA joined us part way through. We spent the better part of the rest of the morning playing outside in the backyard with a mix of blowing bubbles, sandbox and climbing on the structure.  Lunch brought me some stress, but the kids seemed to enjoy a little bit of this and a little bit of that.  (I'm not sure why I keep thinking I need to make a whole meal for lunch time when this and that work just as well, if not better).  Then came the coveted nap time!  This has to be a highlight of our days at home as it sets the tone for the rest of the day and into the evening.

After dinner we headed back outside for more bubble blowing, sand boxing and a new feature...a dish pan of water! #TeamO is a stereotypical little boy that loves mud, trucks, tractors and more mud. I was thinking how I could help fuel his curiosity in all things dirty and remembered I had brought home a white dishpan/bin from school. It would be perfect for outdoor play!  I filled it up with water and watched the excitement explode.  He came out dirtier, happier and certainly more tired than usual.  Once we headed inside, he chose 3 different stories to read before bed and at the end of the third one, he headed straight for his bed.  No fight to sleep tonight!

I can't wait to see what tomorrow and the rest of the week has in store.  I've got a plan to go for a walk to the grocery store in the morning after my workout to pick up a few fresh snacks. It's supposed to be beautiful out, so a walk should be perfect.

Keep checking back in to see what adventures we get up to over the next several weeks.

Sunshine & happiness, today and for always!

Stephanie :)

Math Talk: A Recordable Moment

Today in math I wasn't planning on teaching addition with regrouping because I wasn't sure that my students were there yet.  We have been working on mastering our facts to 10 so that we have solid foundation.

It has been touch and go and I've been trying to make it as interactive as possible.  My students are always up for anything that I present to them and today was just the same.  I went into today's lesson thinking that I was going to start subtraction (without regrouping), but once I wrote the header on the board, I came to me that I needed to do more addition, but with regrouping this time.

We warmed up with a card game (similar to "war") where students work in pairs with a deck of cards and they each flip a card over and add the faces together.  Whomever adds up the faces correctly first gets the cards.  It has been a major hit with my students (because they are uber competitive and sponges for learning), so I figured it would be a good lead in to the addition with regrouping.

I reconvened everyone and presented a problem where they had to regroup.  We discussed the need to remember the place value columns and what the digits in a two-digit number meant.  We spent a few minutes composing and decomposing numbers to get the idea of what numbers were really made of.

We were then off to the races to try and add with regrouping.  In trying to keep it simple, I stuck with a simple algorithm that they could follow the steps/pattern to.  With everyone engaged and wanting to share what they thought was the "right way", I turned the floor over to them and asked for a turn & talk.  They needed to talk to the person beside them how they were going to solve 38+96.  This is where I went scrambling for my ipad to record a conversation between two students (grade 2s) about what they immediately saw about the numbers and the steps that they were going to take to solve the problem.

This left me so proud of where they have some from since September when they wouldn't even talk about what they saw or what they wondered.  It was an unintentional moment, yet perfect.  I was ecstatic that could capture it on video.  Next time I would stop questioning them and hope that they would continue to talk about what they saw and hopefully get up and demonstrate their ideas on the board to solidify their understanding.

Until tomorrow, I hope that there's sunshine & happiness in your day similar to what I had today with my math talks.

Stephanei :)

Hockey. Is. OVER!

Hockey. Is. OVER.  Yes, you heard it right...hockey is over. Over. Over. Over!  Yesterday marked the end of DH's hockey school for the season.  We DH has been in full hockey mode since about November and to put this in perspective, #TeamA & #TeamO are just learning how to skate so he is running a hockey school for other people's children.  DH spent much of his paternity leave organizing the behind the scenes aspects of the school in between parenting our two amigos.

This was the first time that balancing home and work life has really been a challenge as now we were both back to our full time jobs and we had two amigos.  There were many days that although I was putting up a brave & positive face, I was crumbling and melting down on the inside because I just could do it anymore.  I couldn't parent and I couldn't teach; both were demanding so much more of me than I was able to offer.

Throughout all this, our home looked much like a sports store with equipment & apparel strewn all over.  Throw in a curious little monkey in #TeamO and you've got yourself a part-time job trying to keep a lid on things.

It was 4 months of single parenting on nights and weekends when DH was out running practices, convening tournaments and coaching games when he had a chance.  I will admit that on more than one occasion I hit up the McD's drive-thru just so that my children would actually eat the meal I put in front of them without coaxing and bribes.

All in all, I hope that the players and parents that participated in some and any capacity this year understand the sacrifice and dedication that not only DH puts into the hockey school but as well as our entire family.  While he was out coaching other people's children he was missing many "firsts" of his own children, quirky comments around the dinner table and the endless cuddles on weekend mornings while we all watched cartoons in the big bed.

Over the next 5 months we will all settle in and enjoy being a family of 4 again so that come November, we will be prepared to lose DH again for another hockey season.

Until then, it will be sunshine & happiness in our house!

Stephanie :)

I did it!

I sometimes think people believe in my technical abilities too much because I have just uncovered something new this morning. I am actually writing this post from my phone!  I have been saying to myself for a very long time now that I wish I could write from my phone because I can't walk around with my laptop for those spur of the moment posts.

Today, being a rainy day off, I took the plunge to see what would happen from my phone. And all be darn, IT WORKED!!!  I've got 100s of ideas flowing through my head so you my be onslaughted with posts over the next bit now that I can post from my phone!

Until then, back to the little eggs because it's almost lunch time!

Stephanie :)

I. Hate. Paper.

Yes, a pretty bold statement, but one I think I need to get out.  Yesterday I experienced perhaps the most stressful hour of my math career.  I gave my grade 1/2 students a "paper test". That's right, just as you read, a paper test.  What an epic fail!

Let me back track for a minute. I am a part of a great opportunity within my school to work with a grade level team (me + 2 others, so not a huge team!) to do a student work study work with a focus on mathematics.  We met last week to discuss the vision and path we wanted to take and thus, created a pre-test for students to complete as a starting off point.

Fast-forward to yesterday. I feverishly worked through my lunch hour to prepare the small packages of manipulatives and paper test for each student and then gathered everyone up at the beginning of our usually exciting math class.  Students were excited asking what we were going to learn today until I calmed them down and started my explanation.  I started out with what we were going to be doing today was not going to be something that was going to be marked for their report card and that it was something that was very different than we are used to having.  I pulled out a package with the manipulatives and the paper and immediately there were hands in the air asking 1,000 questions.  I went over each question one by one and I could see some confidence in their eyes still, so there was hope in my heart too.  I was holding onto that hope because I knew that we had done each of the questions in isolation before, but never in this format.  I sent each student away with their package and almost instantaneously everyone's stress levels rose through the roof.  Because it was a pre-test for the work study, I could not give direct explanations as to what I was looking for in each question.  I read and re-read each question what felt like 100 times to try and ease their anxiety of having this paper in front of them. All of this brought be back to my EQAO days, minus the age of the kids.

With a quick glance at "the paper" and their faces when each child handed in their work, I knew I had just destroyed them.  They looked discouraged, defeated, confused and unmotivated.  This crushed me.  I also knew that they could answer each of those questions had I asked for a verbal response or been able to give them a marker and a piece of chart paper.  I felt deflated as a teacher.  What had I put my students through and how can I make it easier for them?

All of this to say, I hate paper.  My students are used to manipulating, drawing, collaborating and discussing their ideas and learning that when I put a piece of paper, better known as the "test" in front of them, they have no clue how to handle it.  I felt so frustrated with their outcomes and sad towards how they felt they did.  I shared these feelings with my principal and she reminded me that it's not a bad thing that they didn't know what to do and that there are some students that had I put the same paper in front of them would have eaten it right up and known exactly what to do because that's all they know.  All they know are worksheets.  All my students know is manipulating, discussing and collaborating.

Today we're going back to our manipulating and active learning.  There won't be another "paper" until the post-test comes up in a month from now.  Until then, I'll be making it up to my students with snap cube & pattern block free time!

2016: One Word Resolution

As many of you know and am assuming have found me via Twitter, I am a self-confessed Twitter addict.  I check several times a day and addmittingly have it open on the second tab on my school computer all day long.  Over the past week or so I have been seeing numerous posts about a one word resolution and how people are resolving to stick to this one word.  It got me thinking...what would be my word.

While studies show about only 8% of people stick with their new year's resolution, some years I have been in that 8% while many other years I have fallen out of it. (Check out this post here as a prime example!)  I am proud to say that I am nearly finished last year's resolution (was preempted due to being pregnant with #TeamOlivier), so I'm considering myself back in the 8%.  Back to this year though...thinking of one word that I could stick to being better at or changing throughout the year and all I could think of was ME.  My resolution is going to be all about ME.

It sounds selfish of sorts I'm sure, but this year I am going to start putting me first more often.  Ever since becoming a mother almost 3 years ago, I haven't been the number one person I worry about.  I moved farther down the list last year when #TeamOlivier was born and now I think I'm in a position to be number 1 again.  I watch as DH has been off with the little ones for almost 7 months now and how he has managed to still put his needs out there while the kids are still fed and played with, the house gets tidied and he manages to get out to do the things he loves.  I figure, why can't I?!

In many of my brain whirls over the last few days I've been thinking what I want to happen by focusing on me.  I want to get back into the pre-baby shape I was in (best shape of my life by the way!); I want to make time to go out with my friends on a regular basis (drinking wine in a trendy restaurant sans kids was amazing!); I want to go for a massage more often (that's why we have benefits right?!); I want to do things with my kids my DH thinks are silly or unimportant, but that will make me feel like a good parent.

All of this to say, I have started the first 3 days off well.  I have been able to workout everyday so far and have taken #TeamAmelie out just the two of us to play in the snow.  Although, I have been unable to put myself first in terms of just letting the kids play so I could get some school work done, I don't regret playing Mr. Potato Head or watching Finding Nemo with them.

Also as a part of my resolution, I want to find me time to do more writing.  There are always a 1000 +1 things swirling in my head, yet I don't get any of them out.  (Thought in my head right now: "Wow, you're ambitious...when per say are you finding all this time?!)

So, here's to 2016 and more of ME. If you had to have a one-word resolution what would it be? Why?

Sunshine & happiness, today & forever!

Stephanie :)

The Spirit of the Season

This year as I think I've mentioned I am at a different school in a very diverse neighbourhood.  I have been apprehensive at times about what is celebrated or recognized and to what extent.  This has been especially at the forefront this past month or so with Christmas.  One thing I knew I wanted to do was to have students write letters to Santa.  I knew I could pull my pedagogical hat on if I was approached as to why I had done this activity, but I knew the excitement with the end result was well worth it.

I found a template off canadapost.ca and got everything ready.  We read "The Jolly Christmas Postman" and modelled our letter writing to preparation.  We sat down as a class and wrote our letters, even adding in a drawing or two.  I had explained to the students that I would drop them in the mail that very afternoon right after school.  I was worried that they wouldn't arrive at the North Pole in time for them to be returned before the holiday break.  We had worked right until the deadline! EEEKKK!

Jump forward to December 15th... the magical envelope had arrived!!!  I was giddy with excitement as I brought the envelope up to our classroom.  I had to find the perfect time to give them the letters...not before a lesson but not too late so that I didn't have to rush them out the door.  There was no perfect time that day.  Amidst practicing for the holiday concert and trying to keep a lid on the excitement, I decided to forgo a new art project and pull out the magical envelope.  At first they didn't know who could be writing us letter, but then it clicked.  SANTA!!!

I made sure to hand out all the letters before letting them open them and had our iPad ready to video their reactions.  I am so glad I captured the moment because it was unbelievable. (I am still trying to figure out how to post the video!)

**Note: Keep in mind 95% of my class does not celebrate Christmas in the commercial or religious sense, so this was a first time experience for them.  This is what made it even more magical!

Needless to say, if they remember nothing from this year except that Santa wrote them back, it won't bother me!

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and as my students would say Mele Kalikimaka!

Stephanie :)

One Act That Changed Everything

I haven't been online a whole lot since school started two and a half weeks ago, but I took some time tonight to try and catch up what was happening on Facebook.  I was checking my "notifications" when it said I had "memories" from past posts or updates I had made from years past. I usually read them and think nothing more about what I felt or was expressing, but tonight one stuck out to me...

On this day 8 years ago I made the decision that would change my life and my family life forever.  I had left the only "professional" job I had ever known, my safe spot, and what I thought at the time was my dream job with the Ottawa 67's.  I remember September 22nd, 2007 like it was yesterday.  I had gone into the office, and was going to bite the bullet.  I walked into the president's office and resigned...one week before the biggest night of the season, but I just had to leave.  I said that I was going to go back to school and see where that lead me.  Inside I was scared, afraid yet relieved.  My dream job was becoming work for me.  I had just recently gotten married and the life style of working for a sports franchise just wasn't what I could do for the rest of my life.  I had met some of the most amazing individuals and friends one could ever ask for. I was involved in so many incredible events that I felt there was nothing more to challenge me.  Going back to school was going to be the challenge I needed.

I registered at the University of Ottawa for the winter semester and started out on a career path that I never thought could be so rewarding.  Over the last 8 years I have met even more incredible people, experienced so many unbelievable opportunities and been challenged professionally and personally beyond my wildest imagination each and every day.

So thank you Facebook, for giving me the opportunity to reflect and be grateful for what the last 8 years has brought me.

Stephanie :)

Reflection of The Last 12 hours

***REPOST from June 6th, 2015

I have had a little less than 12 hours to digest the most shocking, devastating news a teacher could ever receive.  Last night a student that would cheerfully attend my classes week after week without missing a beat died.  I am not here to recount last night's events, but to reflect on the last 12 hours and the emotions that have filtered through my brain and house.

As a staff at HLES I am going out on a strong and sturdy limb and saying that we as a staff and community are very close knit.  Our school welcomes just shy of 400 students and over 35 staff members each morning and while we do not all have the same teaching philosophy or styles one things for sure, we care for each and every one of the other members of our school.  Today was a devastating day in learning that one of our grade 8 students passed away.  It was a call that I never imagined receiving on a beautiful Saturday afternoon from one of my administrators.

A colleague had alerted us to an emergency that was unfolding in the school yard last night & wondered if any of us in the community had heard as to what happened, but when I saw the missed called on my cellphone today just after lunch from the school's phone number I knew.  I just knew it couldn't be good.  I looked at the phone for a few seconds and recited the school number in my head to make sure that was really the number I was looking at and then took the courage to listen to the message that was sent.  My heart was racing as I listened and paced up & down the hallway between the front door & my kitchen as I tried to return the call.  Voicemail…and the mailbox was full.  Next, send a text message.  My heart was sinking farther & farther trying to prepare myself for the news on the other end.

I could picture my colleague sitting in his office, trying to be strong & stoic for all of us that he was calling all the while trying to comprehend & understand what went wrong.  I tried to break the ice a little by remarking on the beautiful weather & that I really hoped I didn't need to hear from him today but it was inevitable.  I was crushed…I was in shock…I had so many questions that couldn't be answered…I wanted to help in someway but didn't know how.  We chatted for a few minutes, sharing only sparse & scripted lines that at this point are the only words that can be said.  The conversation ended with "go hug your children extra tight today & everyday".  I cried.  How can this be? How can such an artistic, dedicated, polite, quick whited member of our school community be gone? Why him? How? How come? What can I do to help?

I can only imagine if I have all these questions running through my head, what are his classmates, friends, family and other colleagues might be feeling or asking.

I have sat and questioned, I have researched, I have talked with my closest colleagues over the last 12 hours and we are all at a loss.  Monday is going to come and I will admit it is going to be THE TOUGHEST day I will have ever had as a teacher, but I will be going to school to be with my school community.  It is there that I think I belong.  It is there that I think I need to go and just sit or just listen.  It is there that I will remember this young man who had so many great talents and still wonder.

I have one week left on my maternity leave and I will spend every minute needed loving my 400 day-time children because I know he would be there loving us too if he could.

My God wrap him & his family & friends in love at this time of great need.

I am in shock.

Stephanie

Classroom Clean Out/Up

It's that time of the year again when we realize how much paper we have been hoarding for the last 10 months and what student all of a sudden has months worth of gym clothes stuffed into their locker.

As with the past years, our chief custodian is right on top of things and strips and waxes classroom floors the the days leading up to the end of the year, and again my classroom was done at the beginning of this week.  I find this extremely helpful in making me clean out my room before the final days and forcing the students to take their belongings home.  I am also able to set my classroom back up for the following year saving me time at the end of the summer. However, instead of resetting my classroom I am packing it up in boxes to move to a new school for next year.  I have been declared surplus at my current school due to declining enrolment.  It has been quite the process of applying and interviewing for positions and then landing a new challenge.

As I cleaned out cupboards and filing cabinets, I couldn't help but relate to this article by Elizabeth Moore I read recently about how teachers hoard supplies and resources "just in case".  It has made me really think before loading my boxes if I'm going to use such item or notebook and if not, pass it along.  It never ceases to amaze me how much stuff we actually collect and then typically go buy again because we can't find it in our cupboard or closet.

I am going to be starting fresh at a new school, therefore I will be attempting to only keep what I actually see myself using.  Although I am changing grades (dramatically) I will be selective as to what I "pack" into my cupboards.

Here's to clearer, more organized cupboards!

Sunshine & happiness today & forever!

Stephanie :)

#TeamAmelie's Reading…sort of!

Just a quick post that I've been wanting to write but haven't had enough words to do a post, but too many to do in a Tweet!  When #TeamAmelie was born (and even before that) I was addimit that any gift she was going to receive from anyone it was to be a book.  I wanted her from a very young age to love looking at books, listening to stories and to be surrounded by literature.  And today I think it's paying off.

I was sitting in our loft this morning trying to balance #TeamOlivier in one hand and check my email in the other when behind me is a little voice reciting her current favourite book: Colours vs Shapes by Mike Boldt.  

We have read this book multiple times a day for the last couple of months and today #TeamAmelie was recounting her own version partially from memory and from looking at the pictures.  She was SOOOO proud of herself when she noticed that I had turned to listen to her.  She immediately wanted me to read her the story so that she could finish the sentences before I could and add in her own expressions.  She makes me laugh every. single. time. we read it.

What book gets read the most often in your house?

Sunshine & happiness today & forever.

Stephanie :)

Career vs Home Woman

When I was 8 years old if someone asked me if I was going to be a career woman or a stay at home mom I would have replied stay at home mom without a doubt.  I was always toting around my Baby Shivers doll that looked like (and smelt like) a real baby, dressing her and taking care of her as if she was real.  As I grew older, around the age of 15-17 if you had asked me the same question again I would have switched to career woman.  I had a vision in sight and I wasn't going to let anyone or anything get between it and me. It cost and/or didn't allow me to pursue personal relationships for so long because I was going to be a career woman and didn't have time for those distractions.

Fast-forward to 2013 and #TeamAmelie was born.  At the time I had just landed my first permanent teaching gig when I first found out I was pregnant.  I can remember sitting in the parking lot of the school before going into the interview and calling DH crying because I didn't think I could go in because I was afraid I'd throw up everywhere.  Morning, afternoon, night…ok ALL DAY & NIGHT sickness had me rethinking what I had just done a few weeks earlier.  I digress…Here I am pregnant with our first child, land my first permanent teaching position and I have to decide which I want more!? I was determined to work as long as I physically could because I'm not very good at sitting & waiting for something that doesn't have a definite arrival time.  I was also determined that I was going to get back in the classroom just six months after she was born.

See, I have heard of the horror stories of starting back into a classroom part way through the year because you can't make it your own.  The students refer back to their previous teacher (your replacement, but as far as their concerned their teacher), they are set in their routines, rolling with the replacement's expectations.  How could I break this in February? Also, how was I going to stay home and live the pace of a newborn/toddler after living the pace of a 10,000 person per game hockey career & the life of a university student for the last 10 years?  Thus it donned on me…I'm going to go back to the classroom after 6 months off and DH can stay home with #TeamAmelie.  I'm not leaving her with a stranger at daycare, I know DH will text me throughout the day, and worse case scenario they both end up at my inlaws and my mother in law saves the day.

So many people told me I was crazy, that I'd change my mind once I had the baby, why would I want to get back to work- there's only misery there.  You name it, I heard it.  I didn't let that sway me though.  I loved my job, my sense of accomplishment at the end of the day and I needed to feel like I did something each day.  Don't get me wrong, I did A LOT with #TeamAmelie and I wouldn't have traded that time for the world, but I also knew where I belonged and that was in the classroom.  I ran into who at the time I would call an acquaintance at the mall one day and we got chatting about being off on leave and the adjustment blah blah blah and then she asked me "so you'll go back to work in a year and then what?" I stopped her right there in her tracks and announced that I would be going back to work in the fall and DH was going to try his hand at parenting.  For the first time ever, she was the first person who agreed and applauded me for my decision.  I could have hugged her right there in the mall!  She too confessed to me that she didn't think she could stay home for the full year because so too is a busy body and is passionate for her career.  I instantly felt a connection: someone who understood my desire for a career and for being a parent.  I don't think I could have a full appreciation for either one without the other, but I had to be honest with myself and the world if I was going to make it work.

Fast-forward again- #TeamOlivier is born two years and four days after #TeamAmelie and I still had the same feeling as I did the first time.  I worked right up to the bitter end, but this time I decided that I was going to get back into the classroom before the end of the school year.  Yes, just 4 months after #TeamOlivier was born, I will be heading back to my place of passion & comfort.  Like a script written two years ago, people questioned my decision, my sanity and at times if I was a real person. Although our intentions are a little bit different this time (ie. we will get the whole summer off together in what otherwise would have only been 2 non-consecutive weeks), I still feel as determined and passionate about my job.

Having two kids is a whole new ball game, especially at the ages they are, so balancing the home/work scale is going to take some adjustment for everyone.  When I go back in just under two weeks I will be returning just half days, to try & meet a healthy balance of career vs home woman.

I understand there are financial constraints to sharing the parental leave, and that not every father is given the opportunity to stay at home with his children; however, I think we need to be honest with ourselves and our partners to find the right balance between all of our desires whether they be at home or at work.

What would you or did you do with having children and your career? Were you as definitive as I was in knowing where your passion lied and what you wanted?  I'd love to hear from you.

Sunshine & happiness today and forever.

Stephanie :)

Post-pardom Shed

So the shed has begun! It was just a matter of time before reality was to set back in and it happened like a switch this week.

One of the glorious perks of being pregnant is having beautiful, full & shiny hair, but much like everything else you gain during pregnancy it too needs to be shed.  I have thin, fine, stick straight hair so when I get pregnant I was embracing the fullness I got because my hair would actually do something when styled.  It was an adjustment to the actual drying time it took, but that was just a minor con to what I was going to have for the next ten months.

But like everything else, all good things must come to a crashing halt and it was all halted this week when I kept picking hairs off of #TeamOlivier as if he had just rolled around with a beautiful dog (that we won't ever have).  At first it was one or two hairs and then it was constant.  I only realized they were my hairs when I was blow drying my hair one morning and they were falling out by the handful.  I knew it was a matter of time before my body realized the party was over & got back to normal business. Just wish I shed pounds as fast as hairs these days! ;)

I'm off to sweep, vacuum & pick hair off everything as if it was my full time job!

Sunshine & happiness today & forever.

Stephanie

Change & Routines

In all my brilliance yesterday I decided to open up my calendar and see where we were at. BIG mistake! I am now crushed and full of anxiety because I only have 2 weeks left on maternity leave before I go back to the classroom part time. I don't like change and have a hard time getting back into routine after being out of them for so long.  I feel like I just started my leave and had all these weeks and months ahead of me to relax and not think about going back.

I am not good with change or transitions.  I am secretly thankful that both #TeamAmelie & #TeamOlivier came early and that I didn't have time to say "goodbye" to my students.  I wouldn't have been able to handle that.  Instead, I said "have a good weekend" to them at the end of the week and rode off into the sunset to deliver both babies.  With "TeamAmelie I didn't go back to the classroom before the end of the year, but this time (in order to take advantage of having the summer off together) I am going back for the last 10 days.  Both times are similar too in that I have to change schools for next year.

I have been declared surplus (that's for another post) and will be transferring to Elizabeth Park PS for next year to teach grade 1/2.  My students (or their families) don't know yet and I am dreading the moment I have to tell them.  Again, wishing I could just ride off into the sunset with my boxes and avoid the emotions of it all.

Today has really hit me with what I want to get done before I head back to the classroom and have been able to stroke a few things off my forever growing to do list.  #TeamOlivier finally has his name up on the wall and next up is dismantling the growing pile of tupperwear containers thrown in the drawer and making some sort of organized sense of it all.

While I am not all that excited to think of it as my maternity leave being over, I am extremely excited to think of the notion that DH will be home with the kids and therefore with the family each night instead of off coaching other people's children (that too for another post).

So until we are all reunited for 8 weeks of uninterrupted family time on June 28th, I will take full advantage of my last two weeks of my second maternity leave because I know I won't ever get this time back.

Sunshine & happiness today & forever.

Stephanie

Conquering The Fear- TORW 2015 Experience

With great anticipation that I was going to participate in the biggest race in Ottawa and be a minuscule in the figures that produce the largest running event in Canada, I came to terms that I was going to conquer this fear.  I was very open about my fear & spent hours meticulously planning  out how I was going to get there, where I was going to park, what time I wanted to be places and what was going to happen afterwards.  I watched the forecast for the 14 days that my weather app produces because that was going to be another factor that I couldn't control.  My training was sporadic over the last month, but I still felt confident that I could complete the race without wondering who's brilliant idea it was to sign up. Having a newborn & a toddler at home (during hockey school season at that) was not allowing me to get regular training in, but I felt physically capable and mentally prepared.

The morning before the race I packed up #TeamOlivier & headed downtown to the Congress Centre to pick up our race kits.  It was an inspiring yet intimidating experience that I'm not sure I was prepared for.  I got there right when it was opening and so were 10,000+ other people! I should have known from the parking lot what the actual pick up was going to be like…it was like going to the mall on December 24th and expecting to get that close parking spot right outside the door!  I lucked out that someone was pulling out of a spot as I came around the corner and it was big enough to park Marc's car easily.  Up the elevator we went to the first floor and what I saw I was not expecting from a race kit pick up…people were running as if it were Black Friday and there were only 10 big screen tv's! I just stepped back and really looked at where I had to go and made sure I wasn't going to cut anyone off who was in hot pursuit of their race bib.  The line up to get into the building snaked down the sidewalk.  Here I was thinking it would be nice & quiet because everyone else should be at work right?!

In watching the crowd I saw a lot of everything imaginable…the average person who was out to keep fit, the businessmen dressed to the nines who look like they forego lunch at the mall for a gym workout and a hot yoga class, blind or partially blind athletes with their guide dogs or chaperones helping them get where they need to be, new moms pushing strollers with wee ones and VERY pregnant ladies looking like they could give birth right then & there.  I was inspired yet intimidated by the shape & condition these runners were in.  I left there feeling a little down that I was "only running the 5km", but had to put things in perspective when I looked down at #TeamOlivier having a great time looking at everything.

Race Day Saturday:

It was a normal Saturday around our house with DH gone to coach in a hockey tournament and me & the kids playing with blocks, puzzles & baby dolls.  It was the first time I was going to run a race that wasn't first thing in the morning, so I wasn't sure what I should eat, if I should nap & it was a whole lot of time to sit & think about the race that I was already anxious about.

Much to my surprise, my plans were going off without a hitch…wardrobe worked when getting dressed, remembered all my race accessories, got downtown with good time (even ahead of expectations) and settled into the condo for a few minutes to relaxation.  About 45 minutes before the start time we made our way to the starting corals.  When we got there it was a manageable crowd…anxiety in check still.

Time was passing & the crowds got thicker…the first coral was off sharply at 4.  It was a waaaayyyyys before we even started shuffling along to move up to the starting line. With 10, 742 people registered in the 5km race, it was going to be a feat to get them all moving in the same direction.  At one point, the announcer at the start line informed us that the first runner had just crossed the finish line…and we were still 12 minutes before we were to start our coral!  YES…12 minutes!  The motivation tanked right then & there in the middle of Elgin street (not that I was expecting to win, more like just finish).  Before we knew it we were off.  I tried to keep my pace steady so that I could still have some gas in the tank to finish knowing that my training wasn't where I needed or wanted it to be.  

It was fun to run through the streets of Ottawa where I wouldn't have normally driven let alone been able to go out for a run.  The temperature turned out to be almost perfect and the decision to ditch the long sleeves before starting was a great decision.  There wasn't anything I'd change from the preparation pre race to running the race (other than my training).  Once we finished the "Runner Recovery Area" was a great size to be able to walk off the race.  Medals, food, & drinks were spaced out enough to keep the crowds moving and not all bunched up.

Overall, while my time was not a personal best (nor a personal worst) I will definitely be signing up again next year. From not thinking I could even manage the crowds to get to my starting position, to finishing the race with nothing to complain about I'd say #TORW2015 was a success.

I will be recommending the race to all my other 5km race friends just so that they can experience the crowds along the route, the armful of recovery food & drink & the sense of accomplishment that I  get to experience last night.

Well done Ottawa, well done!

Sunshine & happiness today & forever.

Stephanie

New Year's Resolution 2014 - Take 2!

Roll back the clock to January 2014…the annual time of the year that we all talk about and set New Year's resolutions.  I have rarely set a resolution before because I think that change can always start and happen whatever the time of year, and we all know what happened to my blogging resolution. Somehow January 2014 was going to be different! Not sure about what we were chatting over or with in our hands, but good family friend Trish & I decided that our 2014 resolution was going to be to run a race a month together so that it kept us motivated to workout & committed to each other to actually do it.

We started off great in February running the Winterman 10 km race (yes, I had icicles on my eyelashes when I finished!) followed up by the St. Patrick's Day 10 km in March.  Each month we would show up, grumble at who's brilliant idea this was and then proceed to race.  Everything was great for the first 6 months of our resolution & then I was too sick to even think of putting my running shoes on (aka pregnant) for our next race.  I kept training when I could stomach the treadmill in hopes that I could do the next month's race, but my resolution was halted after just 4 months.

Fast forward to April 2015 and the resolution was not dead! Trish & I resurrected our unfinished business and (dragged ourselves to the finish) ran the 8km Manotick Miler to kick our race season off.  It was a MISERABLE result for me, but I have to think that 3 months prior I was delivering #TeamOlivier.  It's not an excuse I'm making, but something I have to consider when looking at the big picture.

Strike off April…but now what was I going to do for a May race? I have said since I started road races that I would never participate in the Ottawa Race Weekend simply because of the seer number of people.  I am not a lover of crowds at the best of time let alone when I have to run a race or have just finished one. Yet, enter co-worker, classroom neighbour & amazing friend Kim who texts me to say she just signed up for the 5km race weekend race & to let her know when I did so that we're in the same starting coral….Ummmmmm, haven't I said a million times over that I would never run in that race because of my anxiety over the crowd size?! OK, I guess I'm signing up!

Here's to another run and facing a fear at the same time. Can I bring my favourite blanket for comfort with me?!

Sunshine & happiness today & forever.

Stephanie

My Brother is All Grown Up!

It is the eve of my little brother is officially growing up! Tomorrow Matt will marry his beautiful girlfriend Erin on what is surely going to be the hottest day in May.  I can't believe it, my brother is getting MARRIED!  While I knew this day would come someday, I just can't full grasp that it is here.  I still see my brother as the skinny, blonde-haired kid who would drag me out to the garage in the late fall to be the stand in goalie for his one-on-one road hockey games or the kid that would call me up and invite me down to visit him just so that his hockey-buddy-filled apartment could be cleaned/sanitized. This can't be happening already!

Life is passing us all so fast, but I am not sure that it needed to go so fast that my LITTLE BROTHER is getting MARRIED!!  I can remember the first time I met Erin it was after one of Matt's games that he was coaching in Brockville.  We were in his (dungeon) apartment and at this he wasn't admitting to us that they were dating. Strangely enough, Erin knew what cupboard Matt kept the tea bags (which is strange in itself because Matt doesn't drink tea!) and there were two tooth brushes in the bathroom (which I discovered after doing my cleaning inspection!).  That night Erin was quiet as Matt & Marc rehashed the game and conversed like no one else was there. I didn't know anything about her so I was hard for me to strike up a conversation...I can't remember if I even did strike one up...

Fast forward about 6 months or so and I get a message from said brother asking me what I think of the house he & Erin bought...but wait a second I thought she wasn't your girlfriend but just a friend?!  And since when were you looking to buy a house, and when did you go to the bank and why didn't you ask me what I thought of the house BEFORE the sold sign went up?! This IS my brother though!

Matt & Erin have grown to be such a complete couple.  They brought Neumann into their lives (and coincidently ours) and they just make each other tick.  They find a way to be independent yet come together to spend quality time together (which makes me jealous!) and they are supportive of each other's passions.  I can totally sympathize with Erin what it's like to be all but officially single during hockey season, yet she seems so patient with Matt. (I on the other hand am not as patient with a never ending hockey schedule.)  They are both very hard working and determined to reach their goals.  This will lead them to amazing heights.

So as I go to bed tonight, I still can't believe that my brother is growing up and that I will have a new sister!

Erin, welcome to the family and we are so excited for you an Matt.  We are excited to see your relationship with Matt continue to blossom.  Thank you for making Matt so happy.  He has become so grounded and focused since meeting you.  Remember, take a deep breath and take it all in; tomorrow will pass by so fast that before you know it you'll be dying to get your dress off and into something lazy.  We love you and can't wait to see what's next for the both of you.

Sunshine & happiness today & forever.

Stephanie, Marc, #TeamAmelie & #TeamOlivier :)